6 weeks postpartum

Worst. Week. Postpartum.

Six weeks. That's the week every postpartum woman sets a goal to meet. It's the week they are checked by their OB/GYN to find out if their vagina has gone back to normal and if they're FINALLY able to do the dirty with their partner. Well as I have figured out, my OB hates me. That's a whole other story... but the b**** scheduled me for a 7 week, 2 day appointment. So six weeks has literally brought me nothing good. 

Six weeks. The week of the worst growth spurt thus far. I love little E, but my Lord. He wants to eat every hour; and a LOT every hour. Then he fusses the entire time: grunts, strains, pushes, squeals, gulps, farts, burps, spits-up. He's a hot mess, which in return makes me a hot mess. Then he fusses after he eats because of all of the gas that has built up during his gulps. And he gulps because apparently he thinks that we are going to starve him, and then realizes how much he dislikes us. So he has all of this built-up anxiety and tries to down as much food as fast as possible just in case we decide to take away his only source of nutrition. When he finally burps or spits-up half his bottle, he realizes how insanely tired he is and passes out. Only to start the process again in an hour. It's exhausting for me, him and my boyfriend K.

Six weeks. Also apparently around the time that women who aren't breastfeeding (tried it for the first month, didn't work for me) get their first nasty gift from mother nature. What a whore. I hated her for leaving me 10 months ago, now I hate her for returning. And really MT? At the same time as a growth spurt? What kind of sick joke is this? So I'm bleeding, cramping, cranky (both from lack of sleep and hormones), my skin has decided that I'm going through puberty again...and I have to deal with a child that has a love/hate relationship with me, his body, sleep, and food. Jeez, thanks mother nature! Oh, and the worst part? I still can't wear a tampon! 

Don't ask me why. I broke the rules and did the dirty at 5 weeks pp. But the tampon? Just wasn't working! So I'm wearing pads again. And because I still had those horrible postpartum bleeding mattress pads leftover, I am forced to wear those (because I'm not going to buy pads again). 

Six weeks. Where's the vodka?