The routine of a SAHM

Last night I had an epiphany, one my mother would be so proud to hear. And it came to me as I was holding E in one hand, trying to make a bottle in the other hand, and heat up dinner for K and myself while he was in the shower.

I never saw myself as a stay at home mom (SAHM). I always knew I wanted to work, and I wanted my independence. I felt that my job in life was to have a job--a real job. One that has benefits and brings home a paycheck. One that I woke up at the same time every morning, went into the office, learned a few things about the industry, and then drove home. A job that I had sick leave for when I didn't feel well, and vacation time that I could take off to Mexico for a week and forget about work. I figured that was what a real job was. That was how I was going to contribute to society, my marriage, and my family.

Then I got pregnant while between jobs. And because this economy sucks (unless you work for the government and in that case your job keeps getting better and better), the only jobs I could come up with in a new town were part-time work (I live in a really small town in Texas.. editorial work isn't really a way to make money here). So K and I talked about it and we decided that me working and having my entire paycheck go to daycare just didn't make sense. That shit is expensive! So we decided, at least for the time being, that I would be a SAHM.

Then last night my real postpartum period showed up. My ovaries decided they were going on attack and my uterus sought revenge for the hell I put it through for nine months. My hospital mattress pads weren't even sufficient enough for this ambush and the only thing I was thankful for at that moment was that the hospital gave me two large bottles of the prescription strength ibuprofen. So I rushed to the bottle, grabbed my water, and washed down one of those bad boys PRAYING they would take effect in the next few seconds. And then the sentence that changed my way of thinking was said aloud to my little boy while he squirmed in my arms, impatiently squeaking for his bottle. Man, I need a vacation.

*Bam*

Now you say, "Whats the big deal? I say that all of the time." Here's the big deal: My job is my commitment to my son and to this little family that sprouted. And that, my friends, does not allow a vacation. Nor does it provide benefits (and because K and I aren't married...it REALLY doesn't provide benefits. Yep, I have zero insurance). My job requires me to do more than I ever did at a desk job. I don't get to take lunch breaks; I don't get a paycheck or a promotion; I don't to call in when I feel a little under the weather (or when mother nature strikes and I don't feel like dealing with anyone's stupidity that day).

I wake up numerous times throughout the night to feed E and rock him back to sleep. I "wake up" at 7 a.m. and continue my 2-3 hour routine with E. I can't just take a shower at my leisure. Blow drying my hair has become damn near impossible. I keep an eye on the clock to try to keep E on a routine. When he wakes, I feed him. When he's done eating, I do some activity with him. When he has had enough of whatever activity we do, I try to get him to take a nap for an hour. When he DOES decide to nap, I know I have a short amount of time before he wakes up to get as much done around the house. This is my routine, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

But I say all of this for a reason. I don't want sympathy; I'm definitely not the first person, nor the last person to do this. Being a SAHM is by far the hardest "job" I have ever had. It's not glorious by any means. But I appreciate my friends who are SAHM's, and I definitely appreciate my mom so much more.

And looking at my little dude, I realize that even though having a desk job would be a vacation in and of itself, I would miss out on so much with him! Every time I get a little giggle or a big gummy smile from him, I forget about the pile of clothes in the closet and the dust sitting on the tops of the wood furniture. I am able to remind myself that I have a LIFETIME to spend with this guy and the no sleeping phase is just that...a phase. It's such a small percent of the whole picture.

That being said, it's now 12:30 at night and my little guy has been asleep for about 30 minutes, even though I can hear him squawking every now and then from the room. I'm going to hit the hay. E has his circumcision tomorrow and we BOTH need the rest tonight.

SO thankful K is going to be there to support us. This mama cannot handle things like that on her own!

This mama is OUT!